guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How's work?
Spinning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
