You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
