Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm passing your future prison.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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