I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
