You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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