my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
