Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
