my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
