I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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