He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He shit in the fireplace
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
