honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
