is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
