"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
