But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
