i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
