Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
