Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
