I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
