You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
