I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
