You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
