I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
