yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
