before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
