My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
