i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
