i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
