"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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