You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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