I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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