that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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