no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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