we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
