eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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