my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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