My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
