So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
