Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
