check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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