My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
