Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
