I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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