I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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