Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As shirtless as possible
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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