In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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