U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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