I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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