I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
