ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
