Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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