You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
