I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
