Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You can't motorboat a personality
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
