i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
