Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
